From Personal Experience... Part I

I have had two distinct situations in my life where I had to defend myself against fairly serious allegations. Fortunately, things (for the most part) went my way, but I can say from personal experience that the whole process can be ridiculously frustrating.

Part I:

The most recent came after my divorce a few years back. Within a week of our divorce becoming finalized, my ex-wife (who was still upset over the 50/50 divorce rules in Minnesota) filed first for an "order of protection" and subsequently for a "restraining order" against me.

The first "order of protection" petition was rejected as both an emergency order, and then by a judge overseeing a hearing. The judge basically told my ex that her complaint did not qualify for an order of protection (because it neither cited any previous, or any threat of future physical harm). When asked flat out if I had ever physically harmed her or threatened to do so, she admitted that I had not. But suggested that I was capable of doing so, and that the fact that she claimed to be afraid of me, should be enough to carry the day. Judge not only disagreed, but offered to my ex that rather than pursue legal action, that she should take me up on my suggestion that we go back to the counseling that we had been going through during the divorce, but that she had opted out of once it was complete. She told the judge (in his own court) that he was wrong, and stomped out and went back to refile again.

Her second attempt (a restraining order that citing stalking) was much more clever.

• First, she cited several instances where she claimed she saw me following her in my car after she left work. She even included multiple dates where she had seen my car driving behind her, or in some cases just ahead of her. Creepy, huh?
• The other major complaint she cited was also a good tale. She told a story about how she was meeting her mother at a Green Mill restaurant in the late afternoon. The restaurant not crowded (given the odd time), when suddenly I entered the restaurant, choose a table in the same area, and then sat in such a way where I could view her and her mother. I even walked up towards them at one time (but didn't engage them).  Talk about creepy! I was the classic stalker.

Funny thing is that both stories were entirely true.

Except for the information she omitted.

What she failed to mention was that we actually both worked at the same company, worked the same hours, and for years we carpooled. The fact that we would both leave the office at the same time, and might be driving on the same roads, was hardly unusual and certainly not stalking.

The rest of the story with the restaurant was that we both had traveled to a town about a 100 miles from the twin cities for a Hockey tournament that our youngest son was competing with. I had the boys that weekend, and the team was all staying in the same hotel. She and her gentlemen friend at the time had also chosen to stay at the same hotel and she had made plans for her mother to drop by (because her mother happened to live in that area). The restaurant in question was actually attached to the lobby of the hotel.

I entered with my boys to grab some food before an early evening game (as other families did) and we sat in the bar area (which was the only area open).  Since the boys wanted to interact with their grandmother (who they rarely saw)...  I chose a table where I could keep an eye on them while they interacted and so I could be able to gather them when the food came. (Me approaching and telling the boys that their food was there is apparently when I walked towards them but did not engage) .

Now the frustrating thing was that her petition for a restraining order (in spite of being dishonest) looked bad for me as written, and I was "served" with a temporary restraining order by a local sheriff at my place of business. The order also caused other problems, like  pick up and drop off issues with the boys (imagine a ten year old lugging his computer equipment down the street in winter in Minnesota to my waiting car, because I was not allowed within so many feet of her house).

Meanwhile, my ex was all over social media, telling everyone that I was finally exposed for the horrible person she suggested, that I wasn't to be trusted (especially around children), and that even a Judge agreed and she had a restraining order now to "prove it".  Within a few days, I had lost several Facebook friends, I was shunned by some mutual friends, certain people at work stopped talking to me, and even some people within our hockey community treated me differently.

The restraining order lasted for about 3 weeks, until the court date, when the Judge overturned the emergency order and ruled against her petition for a more permanent one. Not surprisingly, my ex did not share this information on social media.

• The tangible legal effects of the temporary order were just that... temporary.
• But the fallout from those events still effect me today, nearly five years later. 

So if there are times when I appear to be more skeptical of allegations, and less inclined to pass judgement until I hear both sides of the story... chalk it up to personal experience. Until you have personally lived with the fallout of being falsely accused and then treated by people as if those accusations are fact and forced to deal with the whole thing still hanging over you years later... don't judge me.