WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Pentagon has turned down Donald J. Trump’s request for a grand military parade in Washington, D.C., citing a sudden outbreak of bone spurs that would prevent men and women in uniform from participating.
Harland Dorrinson, a Pentagon spokesman, said that, within an hour of Trump’s request, more than a hundred thousand military personnel complained that they were suffering from acute cases of bone spurs that would make marching in such a parade a painful ordeal.
“In the history of the U.S. military, we have never experienced a bone-spur epidemic of this magnitude,” the spokesman said. “Regrettably, however, we have no choice but to issue thousands of deferments.”
A statement from the bone-spur sufferers said that they would continue to valiantly serve their country around the world in a non-marching capacity, and offered an alternative to their participation in Trump’s proposed pageant.
“President Trump is welcome to march in the parade all by himself if he would finally like to enlist,” the statement read.
I have to chuckle at the "temporary restraining order from an arbitrator" that Trump's lawyer Cohen has been trumpeting, that he says stops her lawsuit. A TRO from an arbitrator has zero authority unless it is filed in an actual court and accepted by an actual judge.
An Arbitration decision is binding to the extent that the contract agreed to when entering arbitration is binding. The final judgement itself technically has to be filed with a court - it's not always done, but only because you don't want it public record, and you can always file it later along with a civil case should the need arise. But until then it's only a contractual agreement, and any contract can be challenged in court.
I'm not just blowing smoke about this. I'd filed for a "Preliminary Injunctive Order" one time during an Arbitration action against a major company, which was granted. I knew at the time that it was ultimately just a piece of paper, a contractual obligation that the other side could ignore just as they ignored other contractual obligations ... but when the defendants DID stray from the Order, several times, I'd forced them to (very grudgingly) come back into alignment with it. Their lawyers (a top 50 firm, two of them actually) really really hated it. So to twist the knife, when updating the local court which ordered Arbitration, I had them sign it along with the other Arbitration documents and filed it in Superior Court.
The lawyers where whining to the Judge about "The Preliminary Injunction" and it was hilarious when the Judge explained to them that just because I entitled it "Injunctive Order" didn't MAKE it an injunction, until THEY signed it and filed it, and then it WAS. And then whining that I "tricked" them - claiming a pro-se in Superior Court tricking top-50 law firm corporate lawyers with a legal technicality, too funny. But the moral of the story, confirmed by the top court in the State under the Supreme Court, is that there ain't no such thing. Cohen is just trying to intimidate Stormy Daniels, and trying to rouse public sentiment against her.
6 comments:
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Pentagon has turned down Donald J. Trump’s request for a grand military parade in Washington, D.C., citing a sudden outbreak of bone spurs that would prevent men and women in uniform from participating.
Harland Dorrinson, a Pentagon spokesman, said that, within an hour of Trump’s request, more than a hundred thousand military personnel complained that they were suffering from acute cases of bone spurs that would make marching in such a parade a painful ordeal.
“In the history of the U.S. military, we have never experienced a bone-spur epidemic of this magnitude,” the spokesman said. “Regrettably, however, we have no choice but to issue thousands of deferments.”
A statement from the bone-spur sufferers said that they would continue to valiantly serve their country around the world in a non-marching capacity, and offered an alternative to their participation in Trump’s proposed pageant.
“President Trump is welcome to march in the parade all by himself if he would finally like to enlist,” the statement read.
Blogger Roger Amick said...
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—
hey alky,
make sure you spam every thread with this cheap satire.
"make sure you spam every thread with this cheap satire."
... "analytical" dontchaknow.
well, he's got the 'anal' part right. as in where he parks his cranium.
HA!
I have to chuckle at the "temporary restraining order from an arbitrator" that Trump's lawyer Cohen has been trumpeting, that he says stops her lawsuit. A TRO from an arbitrator has zero authority unless it is filed in an actual court and accepted by an actual judge.
An Arbitration decision is binding to the extent that the contract agreed to when entering arbitration is binding. The final judgement itself technically has to be filed with a court - it's not always done, but only because you don't want it public record, and you can always file it later along with a civil case should the need arise. But until then it's only a contractual agreement, and any contract can be challenged in court.
I'm not just blowing smoke about this. I'd filed for a "Preliminary Injunctive Order" one time during an Arbitration action against a major company, which was granted. I knew at the time that it was ultimately just a piece of paper, a contractual obligation that the other side could ignore just as they ignored other contractual obligations ... but when the defendants DID stray from the Order, several times, I'd forced them to (very grudgingly) come back into alignment with it. Their lawyers (a top 50 firm, two of them actually) really really hated it. So to twist the knife, when updating the local court which ordered Arbitration, I had them sign it along with the other Arbitration documents and filed it in Superior Court.
The lawyers where whining to the Judge about "The Preliminary Injunction" and it was hilarious when the Judge explained to them that just because I entitled it "Injunctive Order" didn't MAKE it an injunction, until THEY signed it and filed it, and then it WAS. And then whining that I "tricked" them - claiming a pro-se in Superior Court tricking top-50 law firm corporate lawyers with a legal technicality, too funny. But the moral of the story, confirmed by the top court in the State under the Supreme Court, is that there ain't no such thing. Cohen is just trying to intimidate Stormy Daniels, and trying to rouse public sentiment against her.
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